Triumph of logic
by sfiddy
Summary: Clever Bella Swan worked out a way to choose her date.  Too bad things don't work the way she planned.  Just a reminder to treat people right, no matter how smart you think you are.  AH


This is a work of fanfiction- not mine, no money.

I needed something a little different, and I felt like jotting this down. The MarySue-ness just kills me some days, and I thought, well, maybe our main character needs a little reality check. Somehow, this didn't feel too out of character as I wrote it.

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><p>Isabella Swan was a very logical and rational girl. She certainly thought so, at least, though some of her appeal to the boys in town was her charming lack of common sense. Her odd reasoning and deadpan acceptance of the most nonsensical explanations for the world around her, from her parent's divorce to the weather, was otherworldly and unique.<p>

Unique was, well…unique in the town of Forks. Anything different was good, according to the young male population, and the ones around Isabella were unanimous in their admiration and interest in the strange and unusual girl who plopped herself into their midst. However, for every damsel, there must be a conflict.

Standing in the darkness on one side below Isabella's window, irritated and fuming, was one Edward Cullen. He was the white knight, the archetypical savior, and handsome in the way everyone wants a rich, smart young man with prospects to be. He possessed a number of little ticks, like tugging his hair when confused and irritated, and when truly annoyed, retreating to a grand piano in his family's second living room. That his family had a house with a second living room could tell you that he was the kind of boy a girl would be mad to pass up on.

Mr. Cullen glared across the half-light cast down from Isabella's window at the other suitor.

Jacob Black was the well-meaning peasant boy: rough at the edges, noble of spirit, and the rare sort of boy who you were completely certain would be a success at anything he attempted. The sheer potential was staggering, but it was hard to tell as he grinned, leaning against his grimy and rust-spotted car. The two young men could not possibly be more different. Mr. Black would probably tap 'Chopsticks' on the perfectly tuned piano that Mr. Cullen could draw Brahms and Mozart from. Mr. Cullen would shudder in disgust at the garage that Mr. Black took odd mechanical jobs in, from fixing toasters to cars. To be fair, the garage was filthy, but it paid for Jacob's trips to the salvage yard where he scrounged parts for the handmade car he was leaning on.

Mr. Cullen continued to glare, and riffled his hair again before stroking his hand smoothly over the hood of his model year Volvo to flick a speck away that marred the shine.

"Well, Bella?" Edward Cullen called as loudly as he dared. It simply would not do to raise the ire of the girl's father. "Are you going to ask him to leave or not?"

The pacing figure in the window paused and tossed aside the sheer curtain. Isabella's dark hair flipped in the breeze and fell in front of her shoulders, framing her charming, if rather monochromatic, face. She'd always thought she looked intellectual rather than washed out, as if she'd had consumption and it had revealed her spirituality.

"I can't do that. I can't decide!"

"C'mon, Bells!" Hollered Jacob Black. "Tell the stuffed shirt to shove off and we can hit the bonfire!"

"Ugh." Sniffed Edward. "Her hair will stink of smoke in ten minutes and she'll be all sandy. Bella, I'll take you to a nice dinner," he patted the Volvo, "and I just got a new sound system installed. The new recordings of Debussy are simply divine."

"Damn, you're a weirdo." Jacob replied.

"At least I'm housebroken." Edward fired back. Jacob just shrugged and pushed his car's antennae back down. It tended to rattle loose.

Bella watched the exchange, her eyes growing red with frustration; so much seemed to ride on the decision of which date to accept for the next night. She bit her lip and took a dramatic, heaving breath, looking down at the two young men. They were both so promising, so impressive in their own ways. She wished the decision could somehow happen on its own and just show up on the doorstep.

But wait- she was a logical girl.

She rushed over to the window and tossed the curtain aside. "I…have to think. Please, come back tomorrow evening and I'll have my mind made up."

Both the young men raised an eyebrow, but nodded and gave each other their customary scowls and promised to return the following day at sundown. Bella could only tell which car was which by the sound of the car doors as they closed; the engines were both high performance. Jake had yet to do body work on his hobby car.

Bella settled herself at her desk and pulled out a notepad and her phone, and dialed her mother.

In the wee hours of the morning, Bella set aside her pen and looked over her papers. She was pleased by her conclusions, and comfortable with her decision. Yes, it was a triumph of logic and reason, but then, what else would you expect from an expert in mitosis and classical romantic literature?

Conscious of her tendency towards dark circles, Bella skipped off to bed, settling in for a night of rest after her success.

"Bella, are you sure you don't want to help at the Widows and Orphan's charity fundraiser?" Chief of Police Charlie Swan was active in his community, and wanted his daughter to do the same. "We really could use another hand with the bingo tables and kid's games."

"I have a date, Char-Dad."

He frowned. "But not in the morning, right? You'll be done by late afternoon, and I bet it'll make for nice conversation at your date. Who are you going with, again?"

Bella smirked and demurred, excusing herself to polish off a Pop-Tart in her room. The Chief shook his head and settled his hat before heading out to a day of playing with children who didn't quite understand why daddy never came home from work. The least he could do was make sure their college funds were started.

That afternoon, Bella dressed nicely, but not too nicely, and settled her hair in a pretty and casual, but not too sloppy, updo. It was perfect, and it would keep the boys guessing until she could finish. The boys would wait under the window again as she, Rapunzel-like, rendered her decision. By the time she got down the stairs, the one she decided against would already be gone, and she would not have to endure the loser's disappointment.

It was a perfect plan.

Of course it was.

Bella opened her window when she hear gravel crunching below. The notebook sat on the sill, ready and open as her reference, as the second car arrived and both young men took up their positions, arms crossed and making a conscious effort to ignore the other.

"Thanks for coming," Bella opened. Both Edward and Jacob looked at her critically, trying to glean her answer and coming up blank. She smiled, knowing how careful she'd been.

"I want you to both know that this wasn't an easy decision to come to, nor did I undertake it lightly." Bella spied the slight smirk on Edward's face and continued. "You are both outstanding people, and any girl would be lucky to be asked by either one of you. The blend of your strengths and potential is amazing." Jacob was no fool. He knew he had potential- he already had a halfway functioning garage and took odd jobs. Not to mention that his arms were nearly twice the girth of Cullen's.

Bella dropped a hand and touched the first lines scrawled in her notebook. "I had to really think about this, and it took me well into the night, but I think I have made the best decision for me." She stepped to the side, intending to make a sweeping gesture to her choice before giving her reasons, when, as usual, her footing faltered.

Every movement slowed, and while it could not have taken more than two seconds total, Bella's hand groped for the sill, knocking the notebook down from the second story window. The pages riffled as it made its descent, flapping like dove's wings until it landed with a damp slap on the ground below. Jacob, hoping to keep it from being saturated, leapt forward in a fluid motion and shook the sand free, wiping the pages quickly with his ragged sleeve.

His arm slowed as his eyes drifted down and saw the pages. Edward stepped over. "Hey, don't read that, it's hers!" Edward's sport jacket draped smoothly as he reached to take the papers, but Jake kept it, eyebrows rising to his forehead.

"'Family friend, so of known quantity, though sisters are annoying'?" Jake recited, reading from the splattered page. "'Well-off and can provide assistance in college admissions. Family is odd, but often out of town?'" He stared at the notebook until Edward snatched it away from his now limp hand.

Edward looked the page over, at first incensed at Jacob's intrusion but within moments he was absorbed by the contents.

"'Dark skin is handsome, but out of place at times.'?" He glanced over at Jacob who looked indignant. "'Sisters have great style, but can be pushy about fashion.'?" Edward's eyes flitted over the page and he turned to the next. And the next.

"Bella," Edward swallowed, "did you make a pro-con list for us both?"

Jacob leaned over, peering at the exposed page. "Dude, check it out." Jacob shoved his arm over Edward's shoulder and tapped the paper. "She said we both have good hair and teeth."

Bella had managed to pick herself up off the floor of her bedroom and popped her head over the sill. "Good teeth were considered the most desirable feature in a prospective date a hundred years ago." She said defensively. "It's the same thing now, we just say we like a good smile. It's no different."

"Then how does 'Would probably be a high level business wife- must learn how to hire decorators and caterers' stack up on the list of desirable features?" Edward grumbled.

"And what's wrong with me liking action movies? Good god, I sat through 'Pride and Prejudice' three times in one weekend with you and never complained once!" Jacob spat.

"But, that was a sacrifice you made for me! Would you rather have spent it on the beach, rather than with my cooking and bowls of popcorn?"

Jacob glared. "I passed on three jobs that weekend. I could have earned more than a hundred bucks, but instead I ate lasagna three times."

Edward sniggered. "Man, you ate it? I push it around my plate until it looks like I ate and dump it when she's not looking."

"Hey! I worked hard on that." Bella fumed.

"You boiled water, opened a jar and a carton of cheese, and cooked some ground meat." Edward turned to Jacob. "How was it?"

"Honestly? Bland. I know I'm not exactly a chef, but at least I know there are times you need to salt things. Hell, I help with the salmon smokers during the season and we go through pounds it. I don't love the stuff, but I would have preferred the salmon jerky that night."

Jacob flipped his keys around his finger. "You know, Bella, I think this is a bit much for me. I think I'm gonna head back home and help my dad get to the bonfire. I think tonight is a story night, and he hates being late."

Edward smoothed the pages of the notebook and closed the cardboard cover. "You got any prospects there?"

Bella huffed. "I'm right here. I can hear you!"

Ignoring the hissy fit above, Jacob shrugged and knocked a strip of rust off a panel. "My buddy Embry knows a nice girl and said she might make it. He's seeing her sister, some chick with a lisp, and says the sister is sweet and wants to just have a nice time."

"Sounds promising. I'm stuck with a reservation at this shit Italian place in Port Angeles." He gestured towards the window. "She liked the ravioli, but I swear, they kinda just smelled like dirt. I think I'm dumping it. I just don't want to go straight home. My brother Emmett will give me major crap for being home early and Alice will want to go shopping."

Jake brightened. "You play football? Ultimate Frisbee?"

"Flag or contact?"

"Eh, kind of a hybrid, but we stay by the water, so you don't hit the ground too hard. It's a blast. You should come to the bonfire, we get tourists and folks from town all the time."

Edward considered, tugging at his hair. "You don't think anyone would mind?"

"Hell, bring some food and you'll be like family."

"Done. First Beach, right?" Jake nodded and they shook hands. "I'll swing into town and grab some steaks and chicken."

Jake shook his head. "Dude, we're a burger and dog crowd. Get what you like, but we're not there for anything fancy."

"Sounds good. See you there."

The two young men got into their cars, completely ignoring Bella and leaving her notebook on a log under her window. They fired up the engines and both looked up, flashing those perfect smiles at her and giving her a 'so long' wave from their windows as they drove away.

Isabella Swan sighed, confused. This was so simple, how did they not understand that this was her way of making up her mind? Surely, since they saw the notes, they could see that she was merely making the best choice? Why couldn't they comprehend?

Isabella looked down as she heard another set of wheels rolling over the decomposing gravel and she looked up, prepared to welcome back whichever one was sneaking back to whisk her away. She tidied her hair that had fallen from the updo in her tumble to the floor, and waited at the window as the car came around the side of the house.

She was disappointed to see that it was just her father, the Chief of Police, returning after his day at a fundraiser that he'd asked her to attend. She'd been so focused on her endeavor that she'd emphatically turned him down, horrified at the idea of spending the day running raffles and calling bingo numbers.

Charlie Swan got out of the car and surveyed the fresh tracks in the mud, and spied the notebook on the stump. He wordlessly flipped through the pages and looked up at his daughter, dressed to go out but still in her room.

He shook his head, a motion he seemed to do often when it came to Bella. It wasn't hard to figure out what happened. Carrying the notebook inside the house, he settled his hat on the rack and loosened his collars. He needed a break before heading back to do his part on the clean-up crew.

Bella snuck down quietly and slid the notebook off the table and was on her way back up the stairs.

"No plans, Bella?" Charlie asked as she raised her foot for the first step, stalling her.

"No. It fell through."

"Imagine that."

Half an hour later, Bella found herself carrying stacks of paper plates, soggy from being soaked with bean juice and ketchup. She was splattered with soda and her hair, falling loose from the clips, dragged through a pile of uneaten potato salad.

A plate gave out and dumped a load of mustard, baked beans and grease onto her shirt. Then it started to rain. She actually swore, and flung the shredded plates into the trash barrel next to the signs declaring how much money had been raised for some cause her dad cared about.

Life was so hard and unfair for Bella Swan.

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><p>I know- Awkward ending. I just didn't want to deal with her whining anymore. I just liked the idea of Jake and Edward both ditching her irritating rear to do something that was actually fun. Somehow, getting potato salad in her hair seemed a fitting end for her shenanigans. I know it's weak, but I hope you had a giggle.<p>

-sfiddy


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